I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
