Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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