pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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