And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
