nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
