I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
