I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
