Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
