I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
