I wish you could order shots online.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my poor anus
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
