so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
