it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
