How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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