If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
be right there i have to get my cape
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
