sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
