Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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