saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
