i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
