I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
