i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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