he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
