My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
