U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
