At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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