I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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