omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
