Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
