Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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