I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
