soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
