I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
