a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's official drugs can't kill me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize