East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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