We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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