Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Success! We fucked roommates!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
