I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
