my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
