So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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