did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize