Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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