Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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