Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
