dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
