You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
