Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
