I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
