I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
