i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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