I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
