I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
