Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
