u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
