Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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