I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
