porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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