i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
