I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
