Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
