I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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