i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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