I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
