I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
