I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
