Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
