Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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