I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The air was thick with penises
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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