I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
