There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
